~ Papa wont come back..~

“Papa won’t come back – I know.” , this disheartening words from a 16 year old girl gave a chill down my spine. Suddenly she had grown old and started to recognize the world with her own imagination and interpretations.

Sahil, my friend left this world last week after being almost bedridden in a hospital fighting corona. All of his focus throughout his life (all of 47 years) since he became a father was for his princess Diya whom he always adored and praised in our talks. Every next sentence was focused on things in and around Diya – such was the love and admiration he had for his daughter. 

Enquiring about her state of mind from Suresh, elder brother of my friend Sahil, he thus spoke -“Hearing about her father’s demise, she went mum and hardly spoke to anyone , she is all self-hypnotized with the thoughts and time she shared with her father, the worst part being, she was not even allowed to see her father one last time. Suresh, further told that Sahil’s last word for Diya were “Just give lot of blessings and love to her, my last one probably…will always love her!”

“It was the toughest message I have ever conveyed to a teenager.” and whilst I did so, I cried and questioned God today, why he did this to us? What wrong we had done to have such situation.

I had no answers to Suresh’s question, and I kept on listening to him with all ears. We as humans can react to the situations and control them to a certain extent, the end results is beyond are reach – this is exactly what Gita explains. Many of us have been prior witness to such occurrences in life when we needed something desperately or wanted situation to turn up in a particular fashion, but it didn’t happen. At other times, we didn’t want situation to roll out as we had no interest in its outcome, it eventually happens – have we thought why this is so, the inevitability is beyond our control.

The twist of time can touch anyone at any moment of our lives , even if we are prepared or not, the situation will go out of control if it has to and we being a witness won’t be able to judge or command the outcome. The belief in the supernatural world or what humans define it as ‘God’ exists due to this compelling factor else if we were to control every bit and pieces of this universe, we would be called God!

As they say, daughters have a spiritual bond with their father, to the envy of the world. In most families by natural instance, daughters are the choices of daddy’s, not that sons are not, but a female child by default take unspoken precedence. This naturally happened with Diya – I have seen her as a new born and have also seen Sahil so lovingly paddling through his new found hobby of cycling with his daughter – all those images when come to my mind makes me nostalgic of an apparent love and connect both father and daughter had. Now that physically the bond has wrecked, in spirit it cannot be broken as for Diya, her father would always be a hero and a living reality. In such short span of time, she has loved and lived the best moments of her life with the most charming man he has ever met till date…. Why not then she should cherish the living memories so lived!

As the call neared its end, Suresh told me another small incidence which doctors told him inside ICU – In his dying moments, Sahil told the medics, tell my family that I will always be there for them through thick and thin, and would be keeping a protective vigil for the rest of their life …. That is a father’s promise to her daughter!

Such was the love and compassion Sahil had for his family – though he is no more in flesh and blood, but I truly know that he would always fulfill his promise which he has always done as a father and a husband… Bye Sahil for your heavenly sojourn, I know your last words would deem come true in form of miracles which Diya might one day tell me whilst she continues her life here in this physical world…!!!

~ In Quest Of Time…~

What you sow shall you reap” the must under-rated saying is the crux of our existence on this planet. This has been proven scientifically through various laws of nature – “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.” – we have studied this law of physics but have hardly understood its implication in our life. It is only for the sake of marks in our exams that we learnt this by heart followed by few examples. 

At this age of our lives, deeply atoning to this law, we would find it holds good for most of our life’s decisions. What you do to someone would come back to you in another form or event and you shall soon be made to understand as to why this happened with you – “Karma catches up!” – though it is a slow mover but it does get back to you with all the good or the bad things that happened or would happen in your life.

All our lives, we are trying to beguile and chase our dreams and aspirations which find way to nothingness sometimes – someone wants to be a CEO, others want to conquer the world by opening his own startup and making it successful, still someone want to earn ‘Handsomely’ – though I never got to know the stoppage point of all this megalomania and where it would lead us to. 

This point has been proven in the current situations and time we are living – no one knows how we would get out of it – all possible assumptions have been put forward by segments of the society – be it medics, thinkers, spiritualists, mankind has been entwined in the shackles of a tiny virus which enters your body and does what it wants to. You created it or not is another question and most would go into an argumentative mode whilst they debate this topic but now that it has made its presence felt- it controls our lives and I would continue to do so for may be rest of our lives.

I have not seen people so scary in their lives, with many people being pushed into oblivion induced by poverty, hunger and death, there are others who have lost hope of their business revival and many have lost their bread and butter – the situation indeed gets precarious with each passing day.

My constant inducement to my thoughts as to when this would all end has no answers, till the time our medical fraternity justifies the test of time and their judgement, we are in a fix and would remain so.

The answers to these complex situations can ‘occur’ at any time – though our medics are at it as a constant endeavor, a clairvoyance or a majestic occurrence cannot be ruled out. I say this as a far-reaching possibility as I quote to such examples which have occurred in history of time…

The idea of Insulin was actually thought of in a dream by Canadian medics in the year 1921 and it became controversial – how did this dream happen and what induced it cannot be researched as dreams happen – no wonder the idea stuck and we had a lasting solution for diabetics!

The touch of divinity had always been there, for some it was revealed and thus resulted surprise inventions and discoveries of the metaphysical.

Second example I would like to quote upon is the curious case of Srinivasan Ramanujan …with almost negligible resources, he ‘created’ complex mathematical equations which became the bedrock of current scientific and space experiments. Till date, his equations are a hot topic of research for many of the world’s foremost mathematical and scientific minds – to this once asked, he commented that he used to get these divine messages as mathematical equations whilst in deep meditation – though in today’s scientific age, no one would admire such inconclusive logic.

As we would progress with age and time, we would find the most remarkable discoveries as a ‘Eureka’ moment and this would again present itself the concept of “Who is running the show?”. As I always say and believe , there are deep possibilities of the mind to be explored, only time is the only factor which would give a rational reply to our quest, till then, keep exploring…

~ Teri Raza...~

 

Today, I would like to share a small poem penned by my friend and a fellow thinker ... It rightly cascades the present situation we are in and what we are going through...

Kya hai teri marzi, Kya hai teri raza..

Koi door ka, Yaan fir ho paas ka..

Sune jo khabar kisi ki, To ye dil jaye bhara 😢

Koi dhoonde oxygen, ambulance yan haspataal..

Kisi ko chahye Ramdevisir yan blood plasma..

Firta phire maara maara, Hoke hataash behaal..

Jeb mein ho rakhe chaahe ho, Note beshumar, 

mehsoos kare khud ko fir bhi maha-kangaal..

Main positive hun par theek hojaunga, 

mere parivar vaale ko lo bacha..

Sune jo khabar kisi ki, to ye dil jaye bhara 😢

Kehte hain rabb jise, Koi kahe bhagwaan,

Rooth gaya shayad sab se, Koi ja ke le mana..

Ikka dukka koi theek hota hai to khud ko de rahe dilaasa, 

Shayad yahi hai teri marzi, Yahi hai teri raza 🙏

~ The Inhumane Us …~

 “So why did this happen? “– an intriguing question propped up during my group chat with known buddies today. Everyone gave their own explanations of thoughts as they understood and comprehend the situation today.

I had mine and what I perceived it to be …. Thus, it follows…

“The grand design always shows us signals and throws open its magnanimous aura for those who have the urge to connect to it – there is a far greater grand design to which mankind is susceptible – remember that when you were not there , still there was life.

Feeling a sense of obligation towards the life around us – be it plants or animals, we at the top  of our hierarchical food chain have the onus to be kind hearted towards all – as a guardian of this planet and its inhabitants, we were solely responsible for a comfortable living for all whilst we existed with them.

But were we able to do what we were expected of?

We only interpret the retina’s perception as truth and are unmindful of the propositions of the other world – the messages of it are easier to contemplate than thought. All the happenings today have a far-reaching ripple effect in times to come – it is just not a coincidence that we have lost our near and dear ones in flick of a second. Many families have been rendered as emotionally distraught and in spite of the resources and access to the best medical facilities, precious lives could not be saved.

So, think in solitude and try to make a connection to your inner self – may be with a constant practice, you will start to get the answers to the most radical questions you always asked yourself, the answers to which can only come and satiate your quest as a seeker.

Remember, the tumultuous happenings which should be an eyeopener to us – As youngsters, we have not seen the world wars or the great pandemics with our naked eye, but only on various digital platforms, hence we could not gauge the pain and suffering mankind has gone through. But this time, as living beings we could see and feel the mayhem which was bequeathed on us – A visit to the crematorium have left us high and dry and proved our helplessness beyond a certain point. We are just reduced to numbers and nothing more than that. Your existent ceases after you take the last breath.

Death became our daily dosage of living – not a single family has been left untouched with death or hospitalization.

So, where we were wrong to have been punished like this? Have we forgotten to live like humans and have shunned the basic laws of the land – magnanimity, love, acceptance and equality have stopped being virtues for us? Our ancestors were wise and thus lived in harmony with nature and its laws – they equated their existence with all and sundry – both with living and with the inanimate ,but as we progressed scientifically and materialistically, we tried to unearth the natural laws of the universe through our theoretical perceptions of logic and practicality and thus have fiercely ventured into an unchartered territory. Our research and development in science and its outcome has done much damage to our living than it actually profited us.  

We have not left any territory untouched with our so called experimentation of modern science – from genetically altering the DNA of species to launching satellites to explore life outside earth – Man wants to conquer each sphere of the universe not knowing its far reaching repercussions.

We have stopped to listen to the thugs of the grand design – its daily knock on the door and have started to behave as demigods who are bound to conquer the platitudes of existence. The act of doership is ingrained in our conscience and we are masters of the universe – this is what we had thought – we rubbished the idea of living with harmony – killing animals for our food to satiate our taste buds which flamboyantly  showcased our strength. 

When meat becomes taste for us, strongly defied the laws of living and cascaded ourselves towards doomsday – why do we now cry foul? What we did to others, the same is being done to us – Like zillion ants and insects which get crumbled under our feet knowingly or unknowingly, we have been treated as the same.

We never realized during our course of living that almost everything which was needed to survive was already presented before us – air , water, food the basic elements of survival was all there but our hunger for more instigated our inhumanity – we started to kill and obfuscate the existence of other species – the curse of animals came from them and it happened not to be controlled!

We nurture hatred amongst ourselves and other species - bullying them to death and cowardice , our actions are forlorn and with selfish intent. 'We as masters of our own destiny' has been proven wrong with the advent of  pandemic It is now that we have to learn to mend our ways and develop a coherent living with other beings and shun our sense of superiority towards other species - this would be the only way out for our future generations to exist else what has now become a cat and mouse game would remain so for the rest of our lives…!”

~ Vulnerabilities of Life...~

Sitting ideally a thought poured my mind - “Are we always vulnerable in our life?”. The though was not meaningless as it had derived its logic from our day to day situations and news we keep on hearing nowadays – we can be tricked to unforeseen circumstances and situations which could be compelling and far beyond our thought and reach.

The other day, while going through a medical journal I was taken by surprise about how vulnerable we are at each moment of our life – “Almost 23% of cells in our body can turn cancerous during our lifetime”  – they may not for our entire life but we are always under the clutches of things out of hand and this is nature’s way of doing things.

Sudden turn of events can lead us to chaotic situations which we may not be able to handle, but there is always a stream of light and hope which makes us walk the unknown path – at the end of the tunnel we emerge as victorious – but when you think about the time of your distress, you will see that it was some external power which guided you and made you sail through.

Talking to a dear friend who happens to be a medicine professional, the recent turn of events were the topic of radical discussion between us. The most obvious question put forward by me was “When we will see the light at the end of this cat and mouse game? Is there any end to this pandemic as it keeps on changing form and we see multiple mutations?”

His laugh was as inquisitive as my question, but his calmness and practicality of handling Covid patients were a proof that his answer would make sense in understanding the current situation as well as future course of upcoming events.

“Dear, it is actually turned out to be a cat and mouse game for all of us, there would come a time when the variant would dodge the current set of medicines and we need to keep on evolving new variants of medicines which matches virus mutations.”

Humanity has not seen such instances in almost a century and the pandemic of this large scale has never happened for more than century – it is a new ball game altogether and we need best course of action to overcome this situation”

Suddenly the talk steered towards the working conditions Saurav ( My doctor friend) works in. He is married and a complete family man with two small kids and regarding the vulnerabilities of life I talk of – he is on the same boat as he is human to. A constant exposure to covid patients makes his life more susceptible to infection and other complications.  

As I asked him “Don’t you have any fear of death and what life would be for your family without you , if any unfortunate eventuality strikes you?”

He was optimistic in his approach to answer this “The day I wore the apron , I promised myself that I would try my level best to cure the patient who seeks and advise and cure from me. That is the only motivation and objective I go to work every day.  When I see patient getting cured and leaving the ICU ward with ear to ear smiles and thanking our entire staff profusely, a feeling of satisfaction gives me goose bumps and my aim of life gets fructified!”

Though the vulnerabilities of his living have made him stay almost away from his family for more than a year now, his single minded devotion towards his patient is what makes him go on and on. His videoconferencing calls from WhatsApp is the only main source of interaction with his son and daughter and rest of the family. Doing a situational analysis of his life, a feeling of reverence bestows on him – by virtue of his profession which he takes seriously – he is a human too but he does not let his vulnerabilities to overshadow his resolve!

Coming back to my question “Are we always vulnerable towards our living? “, I found my answer today but with a stroking notion of overcoming our weaknesses with a resolve that all will hold good tomorrow, you just need to do your duty with a purposeful aim – rest leave it to your fate…!

~ The Next Breath...~

She just came back from the dead by kissing the confluence of life and death, with no hope of making it to the other end of life, she whatsapped me “Don’t know if I will make it!” but with a will-power and the persistent chant of God’s name, she made it today.

Today came the good news that my friend tricked death and came out hale and hearty from the ICU where she saw the dance of death almost daily. When the next breath was the only wish one could have asked for and the effort to get it was humungous and with each passing second you fought the losing battle, suddenly life seems to be so worthwhile – the value of it grows reverentially!

I didn’t wanted to take her to recent past and asked only one question.

“So, what was your takeaway from this life touching event Simran?” I asked the obvious question.

She chocked and after a glaring silence she responded – “The breath we take so effortlessly and assuming it to be coming next time is the most important aspect which we so shamelessly take for granted. God forbid, if one goes into a condition of gasping for it, he/she would get to know the value of a single breath!” – These words were coming from a lady who had herself gone through a harrowing experience of breathlessness due to Corona. Suddenly she had to be hospitalized and her Spo2 level was constantly degrading - no oxygen support or medicines were of any help and with passing minutes, dizziness was coming in.

“ The last time I saw my mother as a shady image before I was pulled into the ICU bed – I wont every forget that feeling of terrible fear – as if it was the last time I was seeing her and wont be able to make it alive from this place. The constant gasp for oxygen was making me dive into giddiness and all I could hear the hush-hush activity around me – someone putting oxygen mask into my face , other putting canula into my body – suddenly I was made to look like body entrapped in medical machinery with a certainty of death!”

As she came back home today, I could see the change in her attitude and thoughts about life – The enigma is gone, and she wants to live each day as it comes but with gratitude and all humbleness.

“Things which you make you live are all been bestowed on this planet naturally – first being ‘Air’, then ‘Water’ – We think we can replicate these resources to our usage but we are grossly wrong – what comes naturally to you cannot be replicated.”

She thus spoke further “God has given a perfect balance of nature for us to survive yet we don’t obligate the power of nature. I have learnt my lesson the hard way and wont forget this ever in my life.”

Today, while speaking to her, I got reminded for the all the prudence she spoke – In reality, we are taking the natural gift of nature with all its easiness, forgetting that the perils of  imbalance can cost us our lives – the current imbroglio which we all are facing is a critical example of humanity paying the price of tampering with nature – we certainly have paid a heavy price of this advent!

Finally, as we exchanged goodbyes and prayed for good days ahead – the ending tone from her really marked the wisdom and life lesson gathered from a traumatic experience, “Be grateful and show gratitude to each living soul around you – thinking there may be no tomorrow!”

Mind it – these words are always in my thoughts ever since they were listened to!

~ On Her Majesty's Service...~

When other priorities matter, she has chimed her living in a way that the statement of life has turned towards a better purpose. How many of us are cloned to the fictitious digital world, a world which we have got addicted to – be it social media or internet Tv’s, here is a soul who has taken the bottleneck of time in her stance and has truly converted the opportunity as blessing in disguise.

It’s been almost a month now, the effort has been enormous – she outperforms compatriots of her age and makes it a point to leave her home by 9 A.M, equipped with sacks of packed food not before diversifying the packed items into different categories – lunch for some and breakfast for others. Her span of influence has begin to expand as by each passing day , she is a witness to daily ordeal of poor and destitute souls working on construction sites – many as daily wagers, their wives taking care of dust ridden toddlers for whom sand and brick have become their daily toys. With no help from the civic agencies and no means of consistent income, they cannot take a chance of going back to their native villages and life in cool comfortability of life.

She ends up as a contended soul only by 8 P.M when she is done with her second round of providing for the dinner to the people who give her advance calls – the menu is carefully selected keeping in mind the demography and the comfort and of course the taste element of the food. Quantity and quality of food is the basic agenda which Ruby Didi keeps on her priority list. No wonder she gets zillion of ‘Thanks’ and ‘God Bless You’ messages for being the kind soul to them at this hour. 

When most of the family members have been hand-tied to not offer any help to their extended families, she has selflessly taken upon herself to provide for homely cooked nutritious food to them whist they are home stuck. Time and again she has been asked an obvious question “Why don’t you charge for the food? We are in a position to pay.” To this, her only answer is “Be the change you want to see, today I am taking the plunge, if life offers you such opportunity, jump into the bandwagon and start!”

 Many of the patients have now got over with their ordeal and have offered to be a part of this unique drive. I can sense that something big is brewing in times to come and this nobility has touched many hearts and souls of the sundry and they have realized the true value of philanthropy – that too out of no vested interest.

Ruby Didi’s kitty of food items has been increasing ever since – what started as a noble idea of providing free food and snacks for affected covid family members who could not venture out on their own as their entire family were in the shackles of the disease, she has become daily messiah of such families. There are others who are elderly who live alone and cannot risk their lives to venture out at this fragile time – they don’t have their son’s and daughter’s along as they are simply not there or are outside of India – for such situations, Ruby Didi has been a comforting Santa – I can only count on the blessings she is accumulating on this karmic work.

I ask her one question – “ Ruby Didi, don’t you get tired whilst you do this service relentlessly ? don’t you have any fear of getting infected by Corona having a family yourself, you are risking your life and that of your entire family for this cause.”

There is only one answer to my questions – “ It has been my internal voice to help and get out of cool comforts of my home – It is my Karma to do this service at this critical juncture of my life! And I feel strongly about it – the satisfaction I get after I am done for the day is enormous. 

The smiles I like to see on the satiated souls is the only motive behind my effort.”, these words are truly majestic and give us all a hope and an enormity about do-gooders who are living angels in our life.

When most of us are scary of venturing outside and even are ordering groceries and other home paraphernalia from online merchandisers, here is one soul who has taken upon herself to do the optimum what she can do with the limited amount of resources but certainly with an unlimited zeal to help others and thereby spreading positivity all round at this critical hour of our living!

~ Proud of You... ~

Death has become an overwhelming part of our daily lives nowadays. Not a single day passes when one does not get to listen or hear about tragic stories of someone’s passing away due to Covid. The saga is getting bigger and bolder, each one has a story to tell and suffering to enumerate.

Amid these turbulent times, there have been parables of positivity and successful turnarounds of life. They fought the pandemic head on and were fearless of the dread it brought. One such ‘Son’ who had to take upon himself the complete control of his family is ‘Ravish’, he is a close friend for more than two decades now. When Covid struck his entire clan, he had no choice to put his entire family of four – his father (who is an heart patient and a retired Army officer), his wife and his teenage daughter, who is fighting anxiety over back to back postponing of her 12^th board exams. They ran from pillar to post to garner medical support which was utmost needed but ended up for nothing.

With each passing day, the situation turned worse for himself and his father – with both wife and daughter largely unaffected with the onslaught of virus, frantic calls for oxygen cylinders and to various hospitals for ICU or Oxygen beds went on deaf ears – there were no one listening to the family – this turned out to be a loosing out situation and with each passing minute, the tide got turned towards frustration and helplessness. The family doctor’s advise was all that was strictly followed , along with ‘God’s hand’ which made them bring in touch with an unknown lady who said ‘Yes’ for oxygen cans when they approached her. The ordeal had just started and many a time the situation went out of hand and Ravish had lost hope for himself and his father – with an average oximeter reading of Spo2 at 70 – both the father and the son became a compelling case of hospitalization – but no avail!

The desperation creeped in but was constantly matched with the motivation to beat the killer disease – Uncle’s Army training at heights of Kargil and Siachen was utilized at the best of the times. A strict regimen was initiated – proning exercise along with time-tight diet was the order of the day. As time ticked, situation started to stabilize, though it was still dicey. Our continuous talks on the phone was the only source of inspiration and motivation that we could have shared amongst ourselves. With no medical or supportive help, we were taking a big chance as we were not left with any other option to the fore.

Ravish left no stoned unturned to stick to the basics of living, his daily story telling his father whilst he poured sip-by-sip soup into his mouth and gave him medicines on stringent timelines had actually started to work. With each passing day, the situation told him the grim reminder of so many sudden deaths happening – be it checking the news or from the whatsapp groups – the predicament remained the same.

Then came a sudden twist of events, and after about two weeks of suffering, I head a positive news of Ravish’s father started to let go of Oxygen cans and started to breathe naturally – the Oximeter showed healthy reading but one thing was still not upto the mark – his weakness, which his body had taken a toll due to persistent high fever and less exposure to oxygen.

His frantic calls to various chemist’s to find a commode chair for his father to ease him out was also not acknowledged – such was the situation of medical supplies in Delhi at the peak of the pandemic – as they say ‘ Need of the hour produces a Man” – he did his best to provide comfort to his father by converting his dining table chair to a commode chair ! – anything for the father he would say to me on the next day – such a single minded dedication and  alertness actually became his need of the hour.

Now that he called and we talk at length how he was able to manage the fragilities of time and how internally he had suspicion and fear of losing his father, his single mind devotion and effort made him and his family sail through.

The best part came as a soothing comfort to Ravish – as he told me today on call, you know Sanjeev , today I got the best gift from my father as he has fully recovered from covid and have started to do his daily chores – “ I am proud of you Son, I am lucky to have you as my Son. I had lost all hope of getting better and living my life again, such was the situation I found myself in…” .

These words of attainment from a father to his son means everything today, all I can say is that “Good Work Ravish, you have proven by example what family is all about and how at the most delicate of the time, if one gets true support of family, any eventuality can be shred off, it is more of an emotional support  and proper care that is most comforting in those times of distress…”

~ Life Will Go On...~

What has been a reaction of a teenager when sudden and unexpected turn of events forced him to suddenly become the family patriarch – to take care of his sister and his ailing grandma. The anguish is palpable but with no answers whatsoever – he thus spoke and I just listened from other side of the phone…

“My belief in the idiom that “Even the strongest of the hands can lose grip when time comes!” has been proven right. The man whom I used to fathom as my father is no more – It is like a dream that I had lived with him and he is not to be seen by me in my entire life again, howsoever I weep in front of God or nature , I will always be kept in aloof whilst I seek an answer to my current situation – “Why us??”

The last time I saw him was in a stretcher, being semi-conscious and being taken to a hospital. The uncertainty of his breath was a cause for concern for all of us. I could see his eyes telling me something – the fear of not coming back alive was already there, as he wanted to say a final goodbye of sorts and to put on my shoulders, a huge responsibility of my family. The eventuality of bad news came way too early, as the next day I was being told that my father had passed away last night due to Covid.

I held my breath to an unmeasurable pass, though internally, I know that this could be a far reaching possibility, but the way it occurred, I was not prepared to handle the situation. How could I have confided this news to my little sister as she still had not come to terms with my mother’s passing away last week. All hell broke loose on a small happy family – just one invisible virus had devastated our lives.

Now it is me and my sister with my grandmother – that is all we call a family now, though our relatives live in another city, the pain of not seeing my mother and now my father would be enormous – why did God did this to us ? The desperation of seeking an answer is giving me sleepless nights but I have to be strong and confront the predicament with a strong face.

My young sister was preparing for her 12^th board exams and I am in my 3^rd year of college, well equipped with an aim in my life to be a management graduate, my single minded focus was towards cracking the CAT exam this year – I even had promised my dad that he should be ready to shell out Rs 1.5 lakh as he would soon be losing a bet – that I wont be able to get into any top notch IIM’s this year!

Now the effort is not worth it , or I could give him an honor down from here – My mom and father must be seeing and blessing us from heaven – for they know our family had a strong bond but was fragile at the same time. I cry , but in my own loneliness, I want to present a bold face to my grandma and my little sister – I know for sure that they share the same feelings, as what I have lost is their loss as well.

Life would not be easy for us now – I have two lives to cater to and take care of – suddenly I feel that I have become bolder and opaque in my interaction with my friends. A constant thought provokes me towards the badly hit finances of our household – Should I start working and leave my dream of further studies? or should I take a chance and fulfill my promise given to my dad and represent a sonnet to my father up there – he must be watching me. I have no one to consult as my grandma has well passed her age, though a teacher of her time, she knows the importance of education , though she knows that things wont be so easy now – with our limited finances and resources , we need to spearhead our life to its optimal best – the mayhem has done the damage – our priceless beings have been snatched by cruel hands of destiny but we will get back and prove our mettle – it is to prove to papa what he taught us – be strong for any eventuality.

Though, all the reprimands and scolding’s that I used to get from my parents have just vanished – I longed that now, but those have become a distant dream. Just in a flicker of a second , one phone call changed it all for ever – now it is us – just 3 of us and nobody – that is what life has left us with – but I promise you papa, I will surely not let you down and until we meet again, your legacy on our nameplate outside our home that you so hardworkingly build will always be a living memory to the passersby, our small legacy would go on bearing your name… “

May god give him strength to overcome this sudden upheaval of life – there are many such adolescents who have been marred with little or no hope of a future due to their parents sudden death – but again life would go on as it has always did…though it would not be easy from here on….

~ Everything is Connected …~

Life is unpredictable – this is the simple but a radical truth – in the current situation, every now and then one hears an unfortunate news about someone’s demise, or someone hospitalization or needing plasma or oxygen cylinders or medicines. This human tragedy was far beyond anyone’s comprehension – no one could thought that mankind would be under such a dastardly attack whereby humanity will be in ruins in just a short period of time.

Sans all life support system or the medicines or other paraphernalia one needs to save a

life, you can do your best. Just the other day, I got a desperate call from a friend whose younger brother was going through the Covid trauma and with each passing day his SPo2 levels were decreasing. Fearing for the worst, he was desperately tending to his brother but at the same time making concerted efforts to secure an oxygen bed in any of the medical facility he can lay his hands on. Despite his earnest efforts, the result was a zilch.

Searching through his phone directory, he got my number and called me with an aim of getting any help or assistance he so thoroughly expected. Seeing his predicament, I first calmed him down and tried to understand the real situation his brother was in – as I knew fully well that there were no hospital beds or oxygen cylinders available in the current situation, a calmness had to be bestowed between our talks.

After a quick understanding of his situation, I pacified him thus – “Brother, you are in a strong position, you need to stay calm. I have my family members suffering an ordeal since two weeks – the oxygen metrics your brother has is well above what my family members are having currently – we are not able to secure any bed either, but still we are pretty sure that things will improve for good. Maintain calm and do your best, these are testing times and these shall surely pass!”

Spelling this verbatim , quite unexpectedly a soothing calm got bestowed on Saurabh’s voice. Just few minutes back the anxiety in his voice was gone and he seems to calm a bit. Further to our discussion, I explained the prognosis we were doing in line with what our doctor was advising us. I assured him one of thing – “ Just don’t panic in front of your brother – Tell him that there are far worst cases lying in homes just like you and that they are pretty sure that they will get back to normal in few days” .

For me this assurance to my friend brother was the only piece of positivity that I could have given at this hour – I was myself a hapless being and have gone from pillar to post arranging for resources but had ended in vain – there was no other option the situation had put me in. As I realized soon that it was a do or die situation, I took upon myself to take the best chance life has to offer at this juncture.

Having spoken thus, Saurabh became a little comatose and his anxiety levels decrease as he started to speak in a low-pitched sound. I dint knew my words had such a profound impact on his demeanor, he quickly thanked me and assured me to call me back for any other suggestion that he might sought in due course.

Today, I got an unexpected buzz from Saurabh, his voice from other side was elated – I quickly jumped on to hear good news from my friend and my expectations happen to be true. “Sanjeev, my brother is fine now and his Spo2 levels has increased to comforting standards and is stable ever since. Just wanted to give this news to you, thanks so much for the other day and your piece of motivation!”

Hearing such words came out to be a moral booster for me – though my family members are still struggling for the next bit of air, I am pretty sure that we all will pass on with this situation with calm – As I know fully well, there is no hope outside – You can expanse your bit and effort and provide for all the resources at your disposal but before that you need to Pray to HIM for all the kindness and gratitude which you want  so desperately and having received so – your responsibility should be to pass on the gift to desperate souls who seek your camaraderie in these uncertain times and expect only one thing out of kindness – a patient listening !

~ I write…~

Sitting in the darkness of night, the thoughts pour in …

I get connected to the other realms, the voices of which echo in my mind… somewhere there sure is someone making the call and trying to make a bridge between the physical and the ‘Other World’..I write..

The silence of time is all there is, it is my time … a time to think laterally, away from the madding crowd, the daily noise of living and the hush-hush of varied activities. This time is mine, the calmness accentuates the stillness of time…. I write…

The darkness of the room makes me focus on the only light streaming in front of me, the focus is all there is , to give shape to the thoughts coming to my mind…I write…

I just want to write, for that is what I am being, I am not afraid of not being read, it is my world that I want to live and do things I like…. I write…

For the footprints of this time would sail for long, when I shall look into flashes of time, I would be reminiscing those golden moments I shared with myself and my soul… I write... 

Today will soon become yesterday, living on the verge of next jiffy, this would soon become a remembrance … We will surely be not there… the words will always be present… I write…

The flow of thoughts soon become expressions and then gets typed in words flashing on the screen, the connect becomes phenomenal, with each passing moment, life shows me its dimensions… I write…

The pen has been uprooted and the keyboard has synonymously taken its place but the expression does not dither and remain the same… I write…

Days come and days go, I meet life’s character’s and share the commonality and the commotion, want to record the chance meetings with life hence… I write…

A day will come, when I will be history, the fortitude of time will win the battle of life…for that reminiscence …I write…

~ The Penship…~

He stands silently behind your back, outside the shop in anticipation of a sale which he would like to progress. His sell is a humble ‘Pen’ which he is trying to sell in the morning heat of the sun.

Wearing a torn and unclean pant, he is wearing a school bag and is on a mission to sell all of his pen’s and earn some quick bucks to support his family.

Oblivious of my surroundings, I suddenly skip out of the chemist shop in a hurry after buying some urgent medicines and as I walk out, I am impeded by a soft voice “Bhaiya Pen lelo!” – ( Sir, please buy a pen!). The softness of his voice is heart wrenching – he is a little afraid as he has some seconds to convince me, seeing me in an urgency, he quickly speaks again “Bhaiya, Pen lelo!”.

I don’t know what makes me stop at this juncture – I swiftly ask him his name and to that he reverts

“Roop Narain Pandey” – I feel the truthfulness of his name as I decipher the completeness of his introduction. He surely is in dire need of money as his shaky tone tells me so, but he is very presentable and of course is honest in answering me.

Further to this, I ask Roop Narain addressing him so “How much is the cost of a pen he is selling? “

He answered “Bhaiya, Rs 10 for a single piece!”

I quickly do the deal as I am in no mood to talk in length considering the situation at home – I tell him to give me 5 pens – His face lights up with a smile and he quickly unfolds his bag from the back and picks out 5 polythene wrapped pens and hands it over to me.

As I pay him, he counts the change back in an earnest fashion as he doesn't want falter and end up the deal in a shameful loss.

This gives me a quick opportunity to converse with him – I ask him in which class and school he studies.

He is equally quick to respond to my question – “Bhaiya, I study in class 7 in a government school near my home. As I am having summer holidays, I am selling these pens to support my family.”

“What does your father do? I asked.

“He is a rickshaw puller but with no work now due to covid.!”

I heartfully accepted and understood his situation and boosted his morale “Well done Roop Narain, you are the best bet of your home. Keep it up son. But please be safe too”

I could strongly relate the juvenile with my son – what time can make you teach. Destiny is strongly giving him lessons the hard way, but he is learning through the best school on this planet – “LIFE”. For sure, one day he would come out as a  prudent businessman cascading all the anomalies of business he would enter into as he would have broken the shackles of inhibition. I observed the confidence in him whilst he called and talked to a stranger like me – though it was his need – but he had surely transgressed the line of his reserves and had opened himself up to converse to anyone.

I could surely decrypt his dilemma of being a student and also an earning member of his family – how urgent it would have been for a mother to send her son out to earn some quick bucks , knowingly enough the current situation we all are facing in Delhi. The ugly dance of death which the virus has shown us all. Though still reigning, the pandemic has ruined complete families and have left young ones to sustain for themselves with the trauma and bear the brunt of life with no financial and emotional support

Soon our conversation ended with a quick goodbyes and cheerful smiles, the young lad had touched me from inside – his determination and effort was well deserved – internally, I prayed for his safety and also for a bright future as I would surely want to see him again but with a better proposition in life and not like today.. till then my good wishes is with my new friend…. All the best son!

~ HE is surely there...~

 As they say ‘God works through his Angels!’ and this idiom stands right in todays time. facing a dire crisis of life, one gets accustomed to the vagaries of life and its uncertainties – suddenly situations turn you around and you seem to have no control over it, time just skips and you sense the urgency of a failing scenario. Each second takes you further away from life– gasping for air, your next intake is your prime objective – your mind seizes to think about any other object, place, relationships, pelf, honor …nothing but just ‘Oxygen’ needed for your next minute survival!

Having seen a close one gone through this ordeal, your agitated calls to zillion numbers pouring in on WhatsApp are of no use if they are either bogus or end up being switched off – you reach at the dead end. On one side, you see your near and dear one almost on the verge of collapse and un-wanting-ly kissing death and on the other, you stand like a stone , helpless and cursing yourself for being incompetent to provide for the necessary help!

Suddenly, your phone rings out of the blue and the voice on the other end calmly asks you:

“Did you call?”

You have so many unsaved numbers on your phone and you don’t know the person whom you have called – buy you frantically say “Yes”, further to this acknowledgement you elaborate your predicament and literally chock whilst you portray your situation….

“Maam, Can you please provide us with an Oxygen Cylinder, our patient is on the verge of a total collape and we are just helpless!”

The voice suddenly clasps with the urgency of situation and reverts:

“I can’t help you with Oxygen Cylinder but can provide you with Oxygen cans, they can be of moderate help though but sensing the urgency of situation, they surely can suffix to the need of the hour!”

A thankful “Yes” pours in, the next moment, Paytm is executed and place of pickup of that life-force is fixed. In an hour, you have something to cheer about and you go in for the necessary first aid to save your family member.

This parable does not end there – It so happens that when the patient gets stabilized , you just want to secure more oxygen cans seeking any further eventuality and dial up the same phone but you are again left in the lurch as the dialed number is simply switched off!

How on earth that can happen, just few hours back , I was in a conversation with a voice who actually came like an Angel to help me out of nowhere but now that I am trying to connect to her, she is untraceable. I tried through true-caller and through different mobile numbers, the result is the same.

I just saw her once and, in a hurry, didn’t even spare a second to ask her name – that was simply selfish of me, but the dire need of transporting the oxygen can superseded everything else! Now that, I had calmed down and wanted to thank her and also place more orders of the Oxygen cans, I was again standing in the middle of nowhere as a hapless soul!

My desperate calls to my life-savior angel had gone unanswered – though I was able to secure the oxygen cans from elsewhere, but at that crucial moment of desperation when you are fighting a race against time, you have nothing else to see or look forward to apart from being selfish and securing the necessary resources to save a life!

Its been two days now , I still call that ‘Divine number’ as I have saved it as… but the answer is “ Switched- off” – I have no clue about the whereabouts of the lady I met for a short span of time – I have almost lost the image of her in my mind – nor do I know her address as it was just a meeting point that I picked oxygen cans from!

I will never ever forget the unexpected divine help from the other world – that came out to be a life changing moment for me – a great learning and an eye opener for everyone of us – Miracles happen – there certainly are Angels roaming around – Only an earnest appeal made with a clear heart and pure intent would be making you meet them – I was lucky that I came to be the chosen one and was answered with divine intervention – you could also be the one – for that the qualification rests in your hand – till then, do good to become the choice of these roaming Angels, who knows you would soon be wanting them in your life!!!

~ The Lines….~

Humanity today is fixed in between the doldrums of two lines. The covid upsurge has had a devastating effect on the families who have lost their near and dear ones – their lives would not be the same again members. It is certainly not the financial aspect that I resort to whilst I write this, but also of the emotional and psychological aspect and the trauma they would go to for rest of their lives.

Desperate calls for oxygen cylinders and blood plasma to resurrect the ailing loved ones has not fallen on deaf ears but the haplessness of the situation has led humanity to just be a mute spectator of the choices their destiny have made now!

To stay positive all the time has turned out to be a key effort just as the next inhale of air, for now this is what is the most precious thing one can have in these times. Looking at the devastation, we all seem to be doomed for something bigger which might be coming our way in near times, but the hope does not fade so easily – Man has been a desperate fighter every since it took birth on this planet – be it unlimited wars or natural calamities, amid numerous losses, humanity has turned out to be a winner every time it has been confronted.

Knowing families who are loosing their key figures have given them the shock of their life – just a few sneezes with an onset of mild fever transforms into a life threatening situation – the next phone call becomes a shocker and all hell breaks loose! This is the situation everywhere – many bold souls have come out as a fighter and a winner – their grit and their attitude to bout  this virus has been phenomenal – a true incidence which came to my notice was the sudden ‘passing out’ of an acquaintance for few minutes – the line straightened up – all the resurrection attempts faded but after few passing minutes , though quite miraculously , the lines started to tickle haphazardly!

There are many miraculous stories of human triumph – people have come out of dead and have proven their zest for life – though humanity has defeated death quite a many.

Standing outside covid hospital, and first handed witness to the scenes outside, today I feel to dedicate this page to those earnest souls who are trying desperately to save every life , be whatever it takes.

Many selfless souls have been a constant source of inspiration and doing more than their bit to save each life,  from arranging for blood plasma, oxygen or providing water or food , be whatever they can do , humanity is at its selfless best, though there has been another part of this human tragedy – the black-marketeers and opportunists who  are doing their best to turn this opportunity towards their benefit , having scant regard for precious human life.

To sum it all – a visit to a hospital or a Covid care centre shows both sides of the coin – with frantic calls to save lives, it all ends up to the ‘Lines’ on the patient monitors – today I pray that all those souls who are struggling for their next breath may soon end up hale and hearty , not to mention , they should quickly have those lucky haphazard lines on the monitors attached to their hospital beds – till them time is the only answer to this hope and anxiety!