~ Life Will Go On...~

What has been a reaction of a teenager when sudden and unexpected turn of events forced him to suddenly become the family patriarch – to take care of his sister and his ailing grandma. The anguish is palpable but with no answers whatsoever – he thus spoke and I just listened from other side of the phone…

“My belief in the idiom that “Even the strongest of the hands can lose grip when time comes!” has been proven right. The man whom I used to fathom as my father is no more – It is like a dream that I had lived with him and he is not to be seen by me in my entire life again, howsoever I weep in front of God or nature , I will always be kept in aloof whilst I seek an answer to my current situation – “Why us??”

The last time I saw him was in a stretcher, being semi-conscious and being taken to a hospital. The uncertainty of his breath was a cause for concern for all of us. I could see his eyes telling me something – the fear of not coming back alive was already there, as he wanted to say a final goodbye of sorts and to put on my shoulders, a huge responsibility of my family. The eventuality of bad news came way too early, as the next day I was being told that my father had passed away last night due to Covid.

I held my breath to an unmeasurable pass, though internally, I know that this could be a far reaching possibility, but the way it occurred, I was not prepared to handle the situation. How could I have confided this news to my little sister as she still had not come to terms with my mother’s passing away last week. All hell broke loose on a small happy family – just one invisible virus had devastated our lives.

Now it is me and my sister with my grandmother – that is all we call a family now, though our relatives live in another city, the pain of not seeing my mother and now my father would be enormous – why did God did this to us ? The desperation of seeking an answer is giving me sleepless nights but I have to be strong and confront the predicament with a strong face.

My young sister was preparing for her 12^th board exams and I am in my 3^rd year of college, well equipped with an aim in my life to be a management graduate, my single minded focus was towards cracking the CAT exam this year – I even had promised my dad that he should be ready to shell out Rs 1.5 lakh as he would soon be losing a bet – that I wont be able to get into any top notch IIM’s this year!

Now the effort is not worth it , or I could give him an honor down from here – My mom and father must be seeing and blessing us from heaven – for they know our family had a strong bond but was fragile at the same time. I cry , but in my own loneliness, I want to present a bold face to my grandma and my little sister – I know for sure that they share the same feelings, as what I have lost is their loss as well.

Life would not be easy for us now – I have two lives to cater to and take care of – suddenly I feel that I have become bolder and opaque in my interaction with my friends. A constant thought provokes me towards the badly hit finances of our household – Should I start working and leave my dream of further studies? or should I take a chance and fulfill my promise given to my dad and represent a sonnet to my father up there – he must be watching me. I have no one to consult as my grandma has well passed her age, though a teacher of her time, she knows the importance of education , though she knows that things wont be so easy now – with our limited finances and resources , we need to spearhead our life to its optimal best – the mayhem has done the damage – our priceless beings have been snatched by cruel hands of destiny but we will get back and prove our mettle – it is to prove to papa what he taught us – be strong for any eventuality.

Though, all the reprimands and scolding’s that I used to get from my parents have just vanished – I longed that now, but those have become a distant dream. Just in a flicker of a second , one phone call changed it all for ever – now it is us – just 3 of us and nobody – that is what life has left us with – but I promise you papa, I will surely not let you down and until we meet again, your legacy on our nameplate outside our home that you so hardworkingly build will always be a living memory to the passersby, our small legacy would go on bearing your name… “

May god give him strength to overcome this sudden upheaval of life – there are many such adolescents who have been marred with little or no hope of a future due to their parents sudden death – but again life would go on as it has always did…though it would not be easy from here on….

~ Everything is Connected …~

Life is unpredictable – this is the simple but a radical truth – in the current situation, every now and then one hears an unfortunate news about someone’s demise, or someone hospitalization or needing plasma or oxygen cylinders or medicines. This human tragedy was far beyond anyone’s comprehension – no one could thought that mankind would be under such a dastardly attack whereby humanity will be in ruins in just a short period of time.

Sans all life support system or the medicines or other paraphernalia one needs to save a

life, you can do your best. Just the other day, I got a desperate call from a friend whose younger brother was going through the Covid trauma and with each passing day his SPo2 levels were decreasing. Fearing for the worst, he was desperately tending to his brother but at the same time making concerted efforts to secure an oxygen bed in any of the medical facility he can lay his hands on. Despite his earnest efforts, the result was a zilch.

Searching through his phone directory, he got my number and called me with an aim of getting any help or assistance he so thoroughly expected. Seeing his predicament, I first calmed him down and tried to understand the real situation his brother was in – as I knew fully well that there were no hospital beds or oxygen cylinders available in the current situation, a calmness had to be bestowed between our talks.

After a quick understanding of his situation, I pacified him thus – “Brother, you are in a strong position, you need to stay calm. I have my family members suffering an ordeal since two weeks – the oxygen metrics your brother has is well above what my family members are having currently – we are not able to secure any bed either, but still we are pretty sure that things will improve for good. Maintain calm and do your best, these are testing times and these shall surely pass!”

Spelling this verbatim , quite unexpectedly a soothing calm got bestowed on Saurabh’s voice. Just few minutes back the anxiety in his voice was gone and he seems to calm a bit. Further to our discussion, I explained the prognosis we were doing in line with what our doctor was advising us. I assured him one of thing – “ Just don’t panic in front of your brother – Tell him that there are far worst cases lying in homes just like you and that they are pretty sure that they will get back to normal in few days” .

For me this assurance to my friend brother was the only piece of positivity that I could have given at this hour – I was myself a hapless being and have gone from pillar to post arranging for resources but had ended in vain – there was no other option the situation had put me in. As I realized soon that it was a do or die situation, I took upon myself to take the best chance life has to offer at this juncture.

Having spoken thus, Saurabh became a little comatose and his anxiety levels decrease as he started to speak in a low-pitched sound. I dint knew my words had such a profound impact on his demeanor, he quickly thanked me and assured me to call me back for any other suggestion that he might sought in due course.

Today, I got an unexpected buzz from Saurabh, his voice from other side was elated – I quickly jumped on to hear good news from my friend and my expectations happen to be true. “Sanjeev, my brother is fine now and his Spo2 levels has increased to comforting standards and is stable ever since. Just wanted to give this news to you, thanks so much for the other day and your piece of motivation!”

Hearing such words came out to be a moral booster for me – though my family members are still struggling for the next bit of air, I am pretty sure that we all will pass on with this situation with calm – As I know fully well, there is no hope outside – You can expanse your bit and effort and provide for all the resources at your disposal but before that you need to Pray to HIM for all the kindness and gratitude which you want  so desperately and having received so – your responsibility should be to pass on the gift to desperate souls who seek your camaraderie in these uncertain times and expect only one thing out of kindness – a patient listening !

~ I write…~

Sitting in the darkness of night, the thoughts pour in …

I get connected to the other realms, the voices of which echo in my mind… somewhere there sure is someone making the call and trying to make a bridge between the physical and the ‘Other World’..I write..

The silence of time is all there is, it is my time … a time to think laterally, away from the madding crowd, the daily noise of living and the hush-hush of varied activities. This time is mine, the calmness accentuates the stillness of time…. I write…

The darkness of the room makes me focus on the only light streaming in front of me, the focus is all there is , to give shape to the thoughts coming to my mind…I write…

I just want to write, for that is what I am being, I am not afraid of not being read, it is my world that I want to live and do things I like…. I write…

For the footprints of this time would sail for long, when I shall look into flashes of time, I would be reminiscing those golden moments I shared with myself and my soul… I write... 

Today will soon become yesterday, living on the verge of next jiffy, this would soon become a remembrance … We will surely be not there… the words will always be present… I write…

The flow of thoughts soon become expressions and then gets typed in words flashing on the screen, the connect becomes phenomenal, with each passing moment, life shows me its dimensions… I write…

The pen has been uprooted and the keyboard has synonymously taken its place but the expression does not dither and remain the same… I write…

Days come and days go, I meet life’s character’s and share the commonality and the commotion, want to record the chance meetings with life hence… I write…

A day will come, when I will be history, the fortitude of time will win the battle of life…for that reminiscence …I write…

~ The Penship…~

He stands silently behind your back, outside the shop in anticipation of a sale which he would like to progress. His sell is a humble ‘Pen’ which he is trying to sell in the morning heat of the sun.

Wearing a torn and unclean pant, he is wearing a school bag and is on a mission to sell all of his pen’s and earn some quick bucks to support his family.

Oblivious of my surroundings, I suddenly skip out of the chemist shop in a hurry after buying some urgent medicines and as I walk out, I am impeded by a soft voice “Bhaiya Pen lelo!” – ( Sir, please buy a pen!). The softness of his voice is heart wrenching – he is a little afraid as he has some seconds to convince me, seeing me in an urgency, he quickly speaks again “Bhaiya, Pen lelo!”.

I don’t know what makes me stop at this juncture – I swiftly ask him his name and to that he reverts

“Roop Narain Pandey” – I feel the truthfulness of his name as I decipher the completeness of his introduction. He surely is in dire need of money as his shaky tone tells me so, but he is very presentable and of course is honest in answering me.

Further to this, I ask Roop Narain addressing him so “How much is the cost of a pen he is selling? “

He answered “Bhaiya, Rs 10 for a single piece!”

I quickly do the deal as I am in no mood to talk in length considering the situation at home – I tell him to give me 5 pens – His face lights up with a smile and he quickly unfolds his bag from the back and picks out 5 polythene wrapped pens and hands it over to me.

As I pay him, he counts the change back in an earnest fashion as he doesn't want falter and end up the deal in a shameful loss.

This gives me a quick opportunity to converse with him – I ask him in which class and school he studies.

He is equally quick to respond to my question – “Bhaiya, I study in class 7 in a government school near my home. As I am having summer holidays, I am selling these pens to support my family.”

“What does your father do? I asked.

“He is a rickshaw puller but with no work now due to covid.!”

I heartfully accepted and understood his situation and boosted his morale “Well done Roop Narain, you are the best bet of your home. Keep it up son. But please be safe too”

I could strongly relate the juvenile with my son – what time can make you teach. Destiny is strongly giving him lessons the hard way, but he is learning through the best school on this planet – “LIFE”. For sure, one day he would come out as a  prudent businessman cascading all the anomalies of business he would enter into as he would have broken the shackles of inhibition. I observed the confidence in him whilst he called and talked to a stranger like me – though it was his need – but he had surely transgressed the line of his reserves and had opened himself up to converse to anyone.

I could surely decrypt his dilemma of being a student and also an earning member of his family – how urgent it would have been for a mother to send her son out to earn some quick bucks , knowingly enough the current situation we all are facing in Delhi. The ugly dance of death which the virus has shown us all. Though still reigning, the pandemic has ruined complete families and have left young ones to sustain for themselves with the trauma and bear the brunt of life with no financial and emotional support

Soon our conversation ended with a quick goodbyes and cheerful smiles, the young lad had touched me from inside – his determination and effort was well deserved – internally, I prayed for his safety and also for a bright future as I would surely want to see him again but with a better proposition in life and not like today.. till then my good wishes is with my new friend…. All the best son!

~ HE is surely there...~

 As they say ‘God works through his Angels!’ and this idiom stands right in todays time. facing a dire crisis of life, one gets accustomed to the vagaries of life and its uncertainties – suddenly situations turn you around and you seem to have no control over it, time just skips and you sense the urgency of a failing scenario. Each second takes you further away from life– gasping for air, your next intake is your prime objective – your mind seizes to think about any other object, place, relationships, pelf, honor …nothing but just ‘Oxygen’ needed for your next minute survival!

Having seen a close one gone through this ordeal, your agitated calls to zillion numbers pouring in on WhatsApp are of no use if they are either bogus or end up being switched off – you reach at the dead end. On one side, you see your near and dear one almost on the verge of collapse and un-wanting-ly kissing death and on the other, you stand like a stone , helpless and cursing yourself for being incompetent to provide for the necessary help!

Suddenly, your phone rings out of the blue and the voice on the other end calmly asks you:

“Did you call?”

You have so many unsaved numbers on your phone and you don’t know the person whom you have called – buy you frantically say “Yes”, further to this acknowledgement you elaborate your predicament and literally chock whilst you portray your situation….

“Maam, Can you please provide us with an Oxygen Cylinder, our patient is on the verge of a total collape and we are just helpless!”

The voice suddenly clasps with the urgency of situation and reverts:

“I can’t help you with Oxygen Cylinder but can provide you with Oxygen cans, they can be of moderate help though but sensing the urgency of situation, they surely can suffix to the need of the hour!”

A thankful “Yes” pours in, the next moment, Paytm is executed and place of pickup of that life-force is fixed. In an hour, you have something to cheer about and you go in for the necessary first aid to save your family member.

This parable does not end there – It so happens that when the patient gets stabilized , you just want to secure more oxygen cans seeking any further eventuality and dial up the same phone but you are again left in the lurch as the dialed number is simply switched off!

How on earth that can happen, just few hours back , I was in a conversation with a voice who actually came like an Angel to help me out of nowhere but now that I am trying to connect to her, she is untraceable. I tried through true-caller and through different mobile numbers, the result is the same.

I just saw her once and, in a hurry, didn’t even spare a second to ask her name – that was simply selfish of me, but the dire need of transporting the oxygen can superseded everything else! Now that, I had calmed down and wanted to thank her and also place more orders of the Oxygen cans, I was again standing in the middle of nowhere as a hapless soul!

My desperate calls to my life-savior angel had gone unanswered – though I was able to secure the oxygen cans from elsewhere, but at that crucial moment of desperation when you are fighting a race against time, you have nothing else to see or look forward to apart from being selfish and securing the necessary resources to save a life!

Its been two days now , I still call that ‘Divine number’ as I have saved it as… but the answer is “ Switched- off” – I have no clue about the whereabouts of the lady I met for a short span of time – I have almost lost the image of her in my mind – nor do I know her address as it was just a meeting point that I picked oxygen cans from!

I will never ever forget the unexpected divine help from the other world – that came out to be a life changing moment for me – a great learning and an eye opener for everyone of us – Miracles happen – there certainly are Angels roaming around – Only an earnest appeal made with a clear heart and pure intent would be making you meet them – I was lucky that I came to be the chosen one and was answered with divine intervention – you could also be the one – for that the qualification rests in your hand – till then, do good to become the choice of these roaming Angels, who knows you would soon be wanting them in your life!!!

~ The Lines….~

Humanity today is fixed in between the doldrums of two lines. The covid upsurge has had a devastating effect on the families who have lost their near and dear ones – their lives would not be the same again members. It is certainly not the financial aspect that I resort to whilst I write this, but also of the emotional and psychological aspect and the trauma they would go to for rest of their lives.

Desperate calls for oxygen cylinders and blood plasma to resurrect the ailing loved ones has not fallen on deaf ears but the haplessness of the situation has led humanity to just be a mute spectator of the choices their destiny have made now!

To stay positive all the time has turned out to be a key effort just as the next inhale of air, for now this is what is the most precious thing one can have in these times. Looking at the devastation, we all seem to be doomed for something bigger which might be coming our way in near times, but the hope does not fade so easily – Man has been a desperate fighter every since it took birth on this planet – be it unlimited wars or natural calamities, amid numerous losses, humanity has turned out to be a winner every time it has been confronted.

Knowing families who are loosing their key figures have given them the shock of their life – just a few sneezes with an onset of mild fever transforms into a life threatening situation – the next phone call becomes a shocker and all hell breaks loose! This is the situation everywhere – many bold souls have come out as a fighter and a winner – their grit and their attitude to bout  this virus has been phenomenal – a true incidence which came to my notice was the sudden ‘passing out’ of an acquaintance for few minutes – the line straightened up – all the resurrection attempts faded but after few passing minutes , though quite miraculously , the lines started to tickle haphazardly!

There are many miraculous stories of human triumph – people have come out of dead and have proven their zest for life – though humanity has defeated death quite a many.

Standing outside covid hospital, and first handed witness to the scenes outside, today I feel to dedicate this page to those earnest souls who are trying desperately to save every life , be whatever it takes.

Many selfless souls have been a constant source of inspiration and doing more than their bit to save each life,  from arranging for blood plasma, oxygen or providing water or food , be whatever they can do , humanity is at its selfless best, though there has been another part of this human tragedy – the black-marketeers and opportunists who  are doing their best to turn this opportunity towards their benefit , having scant regard for precious human life.

To sum it all – a visit to a hospital or a Covid care centre shows both sides of the coin – with frantic calls to save lives, it all ends up to the ‘Lines’ on the patient monitors – today I pray that all those souls who are struggling for their next breath may soon end up hale and hearty , not to mention , they should quickly have those lucky haphazard lines on the monitors attached to their hospital beds – till them time is the only answer to this hope and anxiety!

~ Making the Difference...~

With these unprecedented times, when Covid is playing havoc and people are dying for no faults of theirs, there is a sense of hope and fight against time – the winner would always be a ‘Commoner’ who has been failed by everyone – he still struggles for he knows that he has no other option but to win against this deadness of any help!

A first hand see of a crematorium which I observed today whilst I went to pay my respects to a very close relative – the irony of situation was palpable – the deep wounds inflicted on the souls of the left ones would never be healed till they live. The relatives of the ‘Gone’ were inconsolable.

Before that , a visit to a hospital had scenes of hope – the common man which is invisible to the erstwhile eye is the living God in these dire times…It is certainly ‘HIM’ who is fighting hard and is hell-bent to defeat the race against time with his stern resolve.

Be it a Nurse, who is taking care of the unconscious, checking the patients vitals, speaking to him and motivating him that he will come out as a winner – whilst she does so, She is putting her life to risk every time she is entering a Covid zone… but she does…. She is making a difference…

I encounter a Ward boy, who cleans and packs the body with great alacrity lest virus does not play its havoc on others – whilst he transports the body, the class X standard failed , who was good for nothing steps up and gives mankind a hope to fight and a zeal to live… he is making a difference…

 I observe an Ambulance driver, who is working non-stop to transports the body to the crematorium.  His never ending to and fro trips  to hospital and crematoriums is what is hailing him in these times.

This college dropout might not have visited his family for more than a month. His ambulance is his temporary world…, he eats, sleeps in the van and takes the patients and the dead bodies alike… he is making a difference…

The security guard, the first one to give you a patient hearing and guides you to the concerned department with all his energy. He is the retired security jawan who comes to his job regularly and works relentlessly for he understands the pain and trauma of the worried families and often tries to soothe them with his one liner… He is making a difference.

The Manager of the crematorium, who has been working overtime for many days with no count of when he went home last time as a happy and smiling face. With body bags arriving in hordes in one ambulance, the paper work and other formalities have to be quickly arranges. He does not complain of his job monotony, he might be a 12th pass or a graduate but performs the last rites as a pseudo-family member on behalf of the bodies who are not accompanies by family members – He is making a difference…!

The body handler, who is tired but still wont mind picking up a body and making ground level arrangements for the last rites to be honorable – for he knows that emotions run high and he sees it as his karmic theory to fulfill as this is why he was born – He must be a school dropout and a good for nothing drunkard desisting his job in other times, but today, he is a hero – for relatives and family members are dread dead to touch the bodies of their near and dear ones and have maintain a stoic silence and a shameful distance whilst he performs the last rites of the body…He is making a difference!

The constable on the road, who is working overtime to make sure that people adhere to covid guidelines and wears masks properly, for they should not become afflicted of the virus. He speaks and catch hold of roadside Casanovas who are just out there for the fun of it. He risks his life everyday to adhere the decorum of the lockdown. He can barely speak English or be a computer conversant like me, but He is making a difference…!

The delivery boys, who could not get good marks in school or college and had to struggle to get jobs in English speaking multinationals – for they were simply rejected for the lack of understanding the basic etiquette of the language they would use to converse to clients. They ferry in sparkling heat of the mid-day sun to make you reach to your favorite online buy you have been waiting for with all the eagerness of the world! They travel in serpentine routes to deliver and empty their humungous bags full of articles. Be it sun or rain, they are at your doorstep to oblige you with the best of the services they can provide. We don’t return their oblige with even a little smile or acknowledge their services – forget asking them a glass of water... They are making the difference…!

The Daily maid, who comes over at the right time as we have a stack of utensils lined up for her along with other nitty-gritty work that we expect her to manage as a part and parcel of her daily job – She risks her life and that of her small kids whilst she goes from one house to other tending to her job – She takes the best chance what life offers, as she has become the only bread-winner of her family for now as her husband either a factory worker or a rickshaw-puller has been out of job for weeks if not month….She is making the difference…! 

The dull vegetable vendor, who either has a fixed shanty erected near the park boundary or the daily traveler who brings to your doorstep fresh fruits and vegetables which you so often bargain to your own comfort not knowing how early he gets up to fetch his buy in the far off vegetable wholesale market , risking his life daily. He would be a school drop-out, whose father could not afford his education or daily living in a big city like Delhi We never acknowledge his efforts while eating those sumptuous fruits and cooked vegetables… He is making the difference…! 

Thanks to these dire times, the common man is my daily winner – as he is the one who is making life go smoothly for all of us … these countless souls are unacknowledged and doing a thankless job for many … it is time that we start to oblige their inaudible presence in our life …as they are the solitary ones who are 'Making the difference...!'

~ “May”, the word of Doubt…~

In the dialects that we use in day to day many of us begin the sentence with ‘May, he gets peace…’ or ‘May, he gets through this…’.` speaking so in itself begets a scurry of doubt about  and the apprehensive nature of the person speaking it. Why can’t people be firm in their resolve on saying and uttering things which they mean and desire it so earnestly? 

Why can’t we begin with a firmity of thought “His soul will rest in peace…God wills so! instead of ‘May his soul rest in peace….’ Why is this sense of doubt which takes ground when we utter these words…?

These thoughts came to my mind with a rare miracle that came to my light in these depressing times…

Kavita aunty is a cancer patient and is a constant source of a stark reminder about the fact ‘Come whatever may, we will live and come out as a winner…’. The stout lady has lived life on her own terms, challenging the uncertainties of tomorrow, her never to say die attitude has been an overcast on the doubtfulness of living for many of us. Recently when she was diagnosed with corona and had to be admitted to a hospital for a preventive care, she showed her reluctancy in doing so – the family members were hell-bent to secure her a hospital bed so that situation does not get out of control.

Whenever I have had a fortunate meeting with this gritty soul, I have been reminded of the often used’ Catchphrase’ – “Our lives was never ours – many of the events was and  will be unpredictable and will occur out of the blue – no planning , no futuristic comprehensions will ever make you completely prepared for life's unpredictability. Many a time problem would land over our backyard but we will work our best keeping out the ‘May’ and the sense of doubt that things would come back on track one fine day!”

As the Ambulance came to pick her up – She walked herself towards the van , not before waving to the neighbors with her bubbly  smile “ I shall be back” – a female baritone which reminded my of Arnold Schwarzenegger dialogue of the famous movie ‘Terminator’.

Such was the grit of this lady, I kept on enquiring about her from her next door neighbor's, her family members and kept getting positive news about her recovery – the chancy case as she was with a comorbid health situation – her son was at his witty best – “My Mom would surely make it !” , she did !!!...

Yesterday as the charm of our street came back with all smiles, she rose herself up from the wheelchair, folded and then waved her hands to the appreciation of all…. The feeling of ecstasy creeped in, goosebumps all over my body was a testimony to the fact that a lady who fought the situation with all of her positivity actually believed in the power of words…. Words which cast a doubt on your intention whilst you speak them.... 

Kavita aunty was an English teacher and remained so through her retirement – she lives and quotes the philosophy of life from what she has learnt and experienced from a flurry of books and novels that she has read in her lifetime. I still see her quite often, sitting in her balcony and reading a variety of novels.. Her vocabulary is always brimming with carefully articulative words… words which sunshine your personality, your demeanor – your zest for life multiplies…. As I saw her today standing on the balcony sipping her tea, I privileged her and told her ‘Kavita Aunty, I knew – You will come back hale and hearty!”

Listening to this, her obvious answer got mixed with the cheeky smile on her face – ‘Sanjeev! I told you I WILL come back… I was damn sure of tomorrow….”

This small conversation made me come to a strict conclusion of the words we speak… the energy which flows with every word and strongly depicts our hidden fears of a situation…. From now on, all the blessings, doubts, and predictions which I will make would be deprived of one word for sure “May….”

So the next time you bless anyone or offer a prayer for your near and dear ones… shun your ‘May’ and start with all firmness and a grit resolve and act with confidence… Someone is there to listen to your prayers but without Doubt…!!!

~ Victims of Success…~

 Today, I saw him traversing the main gate of our block, lost in his own thoughts, his  stupor was apparent but he had to go to fetch items of his daily needs.

Partnering with his equally aged and ailing wife, Kishore Dass uncle is agile enough to do his day to day household work as I see him catering to his favorite pastime – Gardening. He has no vehicle – though he can easily afford one but prefers a bi-cycle to tread on the streets of our vicinity. Sometimes, he would be seen buying groceries and other sundry items for the day.

The other day when I literally ‘Caught’ him smoking at this age, I felt the childness in him. As we had our eye-to eye contact, he called me through a gesture and provoked me to comply and took a promise “Beta, don’t tell your Aunty 😊, she will chide me till eternity!” As I heard these words, I first burst into laughter in front of him – though I am at my honest best – I tried to atone him later, but he didn’t mind it!

I was seeing a completely different man, as my next-door neighbor, I have seen him reprimanding us when we were kids, though we completely deserved his abuses. His still broken windowpanes are a truthful testimony of our overzealous cricket mania. As we used to play with a hard- plastic ball, one of the shots made it to his windowpane at that unfortunate day. We all had to contribute our bits and pay for the broken glass shield – but were always intrigued by one question “Why has Uncle not replaced it with a new one?”

Coming back to the current times, Kishore uncle has become an old man, his wife is almost bed-ridden, both of his sons are out of India and living a comfortable life. Now he has no strength left to balance a bicycle – he hardly paddles that now , as I see it nicely placed in his backyard.

We had a good communication as we walked back to our homes – I sheepishly asked him one question “Kishore Unlce, why don’t you go and stay with your sons now? You require constant support and also with deteriorating health of aunty, how is it that you will be able to manage?”

He first smiled but his answer felt me with a guilt for younger generation “Son, both my sons have literally disowned us. They only call once in a month – that too it is an emotionless call out of just a formality. I told my elder son, if can join them as now we have lived our life and the ‘Call’ can be anytime soon, we often need medical help – I can’t manage things on my own now.”

I kept listening to uncle’s predicament. He stopped for few minutes to gasp as he had begin to choke whilst he narrated his story, then he talked “ He gave me a suggestion, are there no old age homes, you can go there. It is a safe bet for you now papa, I can arrange that for you from here. Don’t worry about money, I can arrange that too!” The utterance stopped but one thing started to roll out – “Streams of tears from his eyes!” – I turned stone – All these years, I have been actually not liking this grand old man of stature, but never knew that he was carrying the Biggest burden of his life on his shoulders!

 Today, many of us are parents to small kids, thinking as to how tough it is to up bring the kids – those sleepless nights, mid-night rushes to the doctors, Standing in serpentine queues for school admissions, daily doing the balancing act of household – Doing so for ages, one day , we all will find ourselves in the footsteps of Kishore Uncle – though our kids would be well settled and would have moved in their own directions of living – hearing these words what Kishore uncle heard will be a big ‘Failure of our lives’.

Many a time ‘Success’ brings its own ‘Failures’ – the charm of making it big would make you tread an uncharted path – a meadow where you want to touch the pinnacle of achievement, but the price that you have paid once you look back would be enormous!

I kept on thinking about the pain and anguish of an old man, how he must be feeling about his life and situation he lives in – the worst part being- he has never told his wife about what his son suggested him. She still adores both of his son and gives herself a motherly excuses that “They must be busy in their lives as it is very occupied outside India.” . I can well understand being a doting mother, she also would have been giving her sons the benefit of doubt of ignoring their aged and ill parents, so that Uncle should not feel ashamed of his children.

Today, I felt and have been constantly thinking about this story – ‘What a shame of such success , as you have been enveloped by it and have become a victim of it –  You can be rich and famous in any part of your life – but you can never meet your parents again if you loose them!’ This is a simple but a profound truth of ones life – I hope one day Kishore Uncle’s sons would be a witness to this fact – but by then the time would have played its part and they would be just a mute spectator of Destiny!

~ Out of Love and Compassion...~

What you call when you hear about stories of positivity and faith which allows one to leave the confines of one’s home towards an unchartered journey, fully aware of he fact that there is a deadly virus out there which is playing havoc on masses – you can be its next target.

As I know her since more than an year, I have seen the sparkle in her eyes to be benevolent and work towards caressing the underprivileged and downtrodden strata of our society – Kids being her personal favorite, she is unrelenting when it comes to serving them in any form she can. Her free-education programs are a hit in the region she operates. The hordes of children are a living testimony to the fact I state!

Today as she gave me a call I was dumbfounded to hear about her latest passion – ‘Giving free food to the home arrested covid patients and their families!!!” She had broadcasted the message with a single-minded objective of helping and catering to the unfortunate, who are narrowed down to their domestic walls due to covid patients at home or in the family. They cant shop or go out to buy medicines, ‘Ruby Didi’ as I call her fondly, took the pledge and the onus on herself to do this arduous task with a whisper of a broadcast message of WhatsApp and lo!, she was never prepared for the deluge of shouts that she started to receive in first hour of the broadcast.

She along with her husband (Mr. Pankaj Sharma) took to the streets of Delhi, with one aim and an objective in mind – to serve wholeheartedly by whatever resources and means possible.

When I asked, is she not afraid of the current reign of deadly Corona epidemic – She was quick to respond – “ I am doing it as I have full faith in Saibaba!, He has given me the instincts and shown me the way to help and serve the poor and I will always be obliged to people I serve!” – Such a positive lingo, I had not heard since a long long time. At a time when people are feeling scared to venture out and are even desisting of buying regular groceries and medicines, here is an iron lady who has spear-headed her fight towards a direction for all of us to adore and if possible emulate.

Ruby didi gets up at 5 a.m and starts to prepare staple food for the families – she always has a rough estimate of the families to be served and quite miraculously her estimate is bang of what she approximates! The food she makes with love and dedication out-beats the best quality standards – as she keeps one thing in mind “Give as you are being given!”.

She told me “Sanjeev, the response has been phenomenal, never expected such a huge call on the very first day! Got calls from far flung areas of Delhi, unfortunately, we could not cater to their misery, felt so much helpless!”

Whilst she was talking to me, frantic calling was happening on the other phone being attended by her husband, the toll for the next day was already decided – 60 odd families stuck up in their home solitude and being wanting a much needed respite, a helping hand who could fetch them food , medicines , coconut water and other sundries for day to day living. They feel helpless and tied to the knot of their destiny – many of them being at the mercy of the supreme self and being self-doctored!

Seeing the predicament of humanity, Ruby didi just prays silently for every soul who is bearing the brunt of this dread of virus. She is always in high spirits as she has her muses in the society – ‘Children, are my soul and I have dedicated my life to this cause, be whatever comes my way, till my last breath, I will not stop and give my wholesome dedication towards the betterment of these underprivileged children. My only refuge and motivation being – one day I wish they attain a respectable position of stature in the society and help others to achieve them, not forgetting in the way that where they came from !”

As the telecon closed to an end , She told me another parable of a husband and wife who were both covid +ve, but denied to partake the ‘free’ food She was distributing – a  well judged argument was thus thrown in front of her “ Madam, we live in our own apartment and are both working, we can afford food – it is just that we can’t go out – It would be nice if you can please charge for service you are giving us!”

I knew the answer was a big “NO” but as unrelenting the couple was – quickly the message came on her phone – “Madam , thanks for the free service, the food was delicious but our conscience does not allow us to have it again – hence, wont be needing it tomorrow!” – these examples make a strong case for self esteem of humanity , Ruby maam’s resolve is to just serve selflessly – She has plans to serve them as well, as she knows that the couple would be struggling for cooked food the next day as well (with 'Swiggy' and 'Zomato' not obligating Covid families in their area), She has plans to take a ‘Token Money’ to satiate the couple’s self-esteem...

Today she has taken her stack full of cooked food in a remote colony of west Delhi, the frantic calls are not dying but midst of all this chaos, she is silently doing her bit to earn her karmic account - who knows, knowingly or unknowingly any one of us or our acquaintance's become the beneficiary of this great venture – till then the zeal continues… !!!

~ Karma , the Software of Life…~

 "Karma is all that is !”  The words rattled too many times during a conversation with a high end soul – my spiritual partner who happens to have left everything to the dance of providence – long before humanity had stuck tryst with its destiny in the form of Corona!

“Look at the situation now – on the top of food chain we are but are dying like ants! , everywhere you see is death and deprivation of mankind. Why is this so? What wrong has humanity done in the past to be suffering at this time?” This words were very thoughtful but I had no definitive answers but only presumptions. His point blank questions pierced my conscience and I went into a thoughtful mode.

He further stated – Life after death is something beautiful too, but that does not mean that we kill ourselves to achieve that. We have our Karmas to execute – the "Prarabdha and Sanchit" Karmas are doing their bit , as they always have – you only have to bear the brunt of your past as you have sown the seed !

This interpretation of Karma – the bug-less and a picture-perfect software of life  is answers to many of our problems through which varied questions arise – Destiny is silent and wont answer you, it will just throw about situations which you need to balance every moment. Sometimes you will find yourself in a happy tenet at other times you will be struggling to balance situations and tasks. The beauty of life is to live every moment be it sunshine or rainfall , but it easier said than done.

Think of people who were not able to make it to this wave of Corona, hear the subtle pleads of people dying of the disease – “ I don’t want to die – I have an 11 year old and a 4 year old kid to take care of!” The next few moments casts a disaster on the pleadings and he is no more – quickly he is body-bagged and rushed to the cremation center – the next victim occupies the hospital bed – See the brutality of life – unrelenting and unwavering , no prayers are answered and no requests to the lord are entertained – It drills down to pure ‘Karma – the software of living as I would not mind calling it.”

Examples are galore of warriors coming alive out of war having taken dozen bullets but a tinny little virus makes you succumb to your end. Who will survive and who will not cannot be a matter of choice but just a matter of time and your karma.

This poignancy of life takes shape only when mankind cannot defeat the inevitable – “Death!”, for the rest of his life he is at his chivalrous  best – beating his own trumpet of achievements by hook or by crook – doing nasty things to please his own self and quenching his own thirst of power and pelf.

Not knowing that in the midst of treading the path of life, all your follies will one day befall on you and all of your prayers and requests will be unattended as you will be merited on only one scale of life – Your Karma’s – your free will is what you have today – execute it with care, as your single stance of activity has a repercussion to be presented later in life – who knows an act of goodness can save you of dire consequences that you may face one day in life – as my spiritual guide stated “ Karma was all there and would be, as always grading you for the acts of goodness, vengefulness, deceit and corruption!”, the choice will always be yours , so you choose , shall that be delivered!